Oh, no. It’s been one year.

Ok, ok, I know it’s not Thursday, buuut I beg your pardon to post today because this is a special date.

Hi, guys! How are you? Hope everything is fine wherever you are.

This month completes one year since I went to Toronto to live the best three months of my life, until now. It was August 27 when I left the city I was born in to start a new part of my life. The one that would give me different perspectives on things, that would show me how life can be lived simply and still be amazing.

A year ago, 9 am, I had just landed there and the funny thing is that, even with my shitty memory, I can remember everything I felt that day, what I eat, places I went. It seems like it was yesterday, but now, a long yesterday ago. A friend of mine also went to an exchange program once and she told me about this feeling you have: it seems like this thing you lived now is in another life. Once you get back, it only gets far away from how you once felt. It is weird, I freaking hate it because she is totally right. At the same time I feel it just happened, sometimes I feel it was 60 years ago.

If you don’t know/remember how I manage to do this exchange program, I’ve already talked about it here and every now and then I remember the steps I had to take to grab this opportunity with both hands. Today, one year after, I remember that February 29th when the final result came out of my uncle’s birthday party and ran all the four floors to my aunt’s apartment to use the computer so I could see if my name was on that blessed list or not. I think I can’t remember a time I felt more amazed than when I saw my full name in the 19th position, with the 6th best grade of almost 100 people and see all the effort I’ve put onto it came back to me.

It feels funny to remember that a week from my flight, my godmother texted me to give her compliments one more time, to say that she saw me as a girl and now she’s seeing me as a woman, accomplishing my goals and all those things, because at that time I just burst into tears, a mix of being thankful and super afraid of what was to come. “I don’t think I’ll make it, I don’t know how to manage my own money, my mom wakes me up to go to university, how am I supposed to live by myself these three months? I’ll dye, for sure”, but, of course, those words never came out of my mouth. To all the world, I was feeling very confident and “I can handle myself, you dumbasses”, but on the inside… Only God (and perhaps my mom) knows how many times I crossed my checklist before leaving the house.

At the airport, there were two people living inside me:

“ISABELLA, YOU’RE GONNA LEAVE EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING YOU KNOW. DON’T. DO. THIS.”

vs

“HEEEY, THIS IS YOUR FUCKING DREAM. YOU GO, GIRL”

I remember my family and friends there, seeing me enter the boarding hall, my brain full of fears, my heart full of braveness and so I went. I put my feet on my dream and now, the thing I wanna the most is to get back to that place that made me feel like home. Yes, I knew few people there (only those who studied with me here in Brazil), but the place is so amazing, the people I’ve met are so awesome, the feeling of being safe when you walk on the streets… Just the fact that the city itself offers you options of things to do anytime you want, it takes my heart. And now, looking from the outside, I remember every second thought I had and I see how small they were/are compared to what I lived, to what the world gives to you. Possibilities of things go wrong are here, anything can happen at any time, any place, but it shouldn’t stop us from doing things (especially when it comes to our dreams) and I think today, that’s my biggest contribution: go. Just go and see what happens, because if you don’t, you’ll never know.

And then… were three months realizing I already know how to wake up by myself, how to take care of my own money, how to choose the right medicine to my stomachaches, how to arrive late from parties and wake up early to go to school because I have to stick to my obligations and be responsible, I realized I know more than I thought I knew and sometimes I underestimate myself, I realized people can connect with others by energy, not by how long the know each other. I created an affection with people in one week that I haven’t created with those I know for years. You may be thinking ‘you had to travel all across the continent to realize that?’, yeah, maybe! I’m a slow person, ok? It takes time and effort for me to realize some things, but I take your judgment.

Damn it, guys! One year and I still can’t get over it. Time really flies. Now I leave you with these pictures that I love. Hope you to see you all soon.

 

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Niagara Falls!!
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Scarborough Bluffs

 

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My favorite skyline! ❤

 

 

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3 Comments

  1. One year ago you totally changed! You grandma’s message to you about becoming a woman was so sweet. And I can totally relate to those two voices you had in your head. I bet they were both trying to scream over each other! Here’s to more adventures in the future, Isabella 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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