I don’t wanna travel anymore.

Hi, guys! How are you today? Hope everything is fine wherever you are!

Well, today I decided to write about one thing that bugged me so much after I came back of my exchange program: this weird feeling of avoiding my desire to know different places. 

When I landed in my hometown the only thing I could think of was I had to, somehow, go back to Toronto as soon as possible, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized now it would be kinda impossible, especially because of the money.

See, my city is a small one (even though it’s the capital of my state), basically here we hang out only for beach and to go to the mall, or to our friends houses. We have our pubs and bars, but they are not that good. The service could be better and the music, and so and so. I could spend the rest of my day discribing how difficult is to be a person who likes to go out here, but that’s not  point. My point is to say how bad I felt when I realized I had a different reality there and then, I was taken away from me.

Toronto provided me something like a bubble, where people could wear what they want and nobody would care. You could date whomever you wanted and this was nobody’s bussiness, because, well, it isn’t. Without even talking about the public transportation. I’ll have a whole special post about it soon, because it’s awesome. I’m not saying Toronto is the paradise, it has its problems, but we all have. I’m saying it’s different from what I was used to. Now imagine you had this amazing experience and then you have to settle yourself down with what you have. 

Also, one of thing that “improved” this feeling was the fact that I had to face two huge break ups. The first one was when I left my family (when I say family, I mean family and friends) here in Brazil. And then I made up another family (built on amazing people) and had to leave them too, this one was even worse because I met amazing people that I have absolutely no idea if I’m ever going to see again. I had adapt myself to this new reality so quick when I got back I almost didn’t know how things work here.

That broke me so so hard, because I thought this feeling was proportioned by my trip itself. It feels bad! It made me feel bad, and for days (months, to be honest) I had this feeling I never ever ever wanted to get to know another places because in the end I would have to go back and feel all these awful things again. Can you imagine how riddiculous I felt? Because for years I’ve been bragging myself because I wanted to see the world and know cultures and people. ARGH! It was awful.

And I can tell it wasn’t a feeling that occurred only to me because we were a group of more than 40 students I can feel by theirs posts on facebook and instagram that they felt (and I’m pretty sure we still fell) the same way.

So, that’s all for now guys. I would like to hear a little about your experiences in this field, have you ever feel like this before? 

(Oh, and to prove my point that I’m not the only one who feels this way, I asked to my friend to write something, so I could publish here. Soon you’ll have another writer to read).

Nuit Blanche – Toronto, 2016.